on being so angry I'm speechless

A guy in a Lexus in front of us threw a McDonald's cup out his window as he drove up my street. When we pulled up next to him, Nick said, "Stop throwing trash in my neighborhood."

Tell me why this man said, "Fuck this neighborhood."

"What?" I asked. 

"Fuck this neighborhood," he repeated. 

"Well, we don't feel that way," I responded.

"Well I do." He paused. "Thanks for telling me how you feel, though."

Nick and I just sat there in angry silence. As the light turned green and we pulled off, the man shouted something unintelligible at us. So brave of him.

I've never been so angry. Or so speechless.

move to Shipley - it's safer here

This morning on the Metro, I pulled last week's Local Living section out of my purse – I don’t know why, but I've been carrying it around in my purse like it's my towel* or something - and looked at the crime report. The report is broken down first by ward, and then by crime: assaults, burglaries, homicides, motor vehicle thefts, robberies, thefts. Now, scary, scary Ward 8's incidents are roughly equal in number to the crimes reported in totally safe Wards 2, 5 and 6 (is your sarcasm detector working yet?). This doesn’t surprise me one bit.

But when I narrow it down to just where I live in Shipley, there were only three crimes reported during the week in question (July 11-17). Also not a surprise to me, since the only thing really going on over here  is fireworks popping at ungodly hours (when does school start again?), but since you’re curious now, here are our three horrendous, terrifying, drive-through-at-your-own-peril crimes:

ASSAULTS
Stanton Rd. SE, 3300 block, 9:45 a.m. July 11 (with knife)
MOTOR VEHICLE THEFTS
Southern Ave. SE, 2500 block, 2:07 a.m. July 14
ROBBERIES
19^th St. SE, 3500 block, 5:20 p.m. July 12 (with gun)

You might be thinking, “Wow. Two violent crimes and an auto theft in one week? That does sound dangerous!”Or maybe you're asking “So what?” right around this point. Don’t worry – I’m getting to my point… now. Why is it that the same folks who are so scared and reluctant to come to my house in an automobile are happier than pigs in shit to drunk-stumble around Columbia Heights? I really don’t get it.** Because they’ve got crime like whoa, y’all:

BURGLARIES
14^th St. NW, 2700 block, 7:37 a.m. July 11
Belmont St. NW, 1400 block, 4:10 p.m. July 16
HOMICIDES
Sherman Ave. NW, 2900 block, 12 a.m. July 13 (with gun)
MOTOR VEHICLE THEFTS
Spring Rd. NW, 1400 block, 3:20 p.m. July 15
ROBBERIES
16^th St. NW, 3500 block, 1:10 a.m. July 14
Spring Rd. NW, 1400 block, 3 a.m. July 14 (with gun)
15^th St. NW, 2300 block, 5:10 a.m. July 14 (with gun)
14^th St. NW, 3100 block, 1:32 a.m. July 15
Irving St. NW, 1000 block, 7:14 a.m. July 16
THEFTS
16^th St. NW, 2600 block, 7:26 a.m. July 11 (from vehicle)
Euclid St. NW, 1300 block, 4:42 p.m. July 11
11^th St. NW, 2700 block, 6:48 p.m. July 11
14^th St. NW, 2100 block, 3:25 p.m. July 12
Clifton St. NW, 1300 block, 4 p.m. July 12
16^th St. NW, 2400 block, 8:53 a.m. July 13 (from vehicle)
14^th St. NW, 3000 block, 2:44 p.m. July 13
16^th St. NW, 2400 block, 11:31 a.m. July 14
16^th St. NW, 2400 block, 12:22 p.m. July 14 (twice in the same block in the same hour!)
14^th St. NW, 3500 block, 2:35 p.m. July 14
14^th St. NW, 3100 block, 7:01 p.m. July 14
Kenyon St. NW, 1300 block, 7:26 p.m. July 14
14^th St. NW, 3000 block, 3:28 p.m. July 15 (from vehicle)
13^th St. NW, 3500 block, 3:17 p.m. July 15
Columbia Rd. NW, 1100 block, 8:48 a.m. July 16
Belmont St. NW, 1400 block, 12:50 p.m. July 16 (from vehicle)
14 St. NW, 3100 block, 7:20 p.m. July 17
Otis Pl. NW, 1000 block, 9:06 p.m. July 17 (from vehicle)

Have I made my point yet? Let me just drive it all the way home: this data clearly shows that despite the public perception of its incredible safety, Columbia Heights is far more dangerous than Shipley, the neighborhood where I live East of the River. This naturally leads one to wonder how it is possible that my neighborhood could be considered more dangerous and terrifying than one that had two burglaries, five robberies, eighteen thefts, and a murder. In the same week when mine clocked in at three. No murder.

You know where this is going. Let’s not even try to pretend that the answer is much other than a simple “black people live there.” Sure, we could throw in a little bit of media sensationalism, a(n un)healthy dose of relative poverty, a dash of ignorance (because really, how do you know it’s dangerous if you’ve never even been here?), and a hearty helping of the PR nightmare that exists in Councilman Barry. But what do all of those other reasons boil back down to? Ah! Black people are going to rob and kill me!

What do we do to combat this? Because the piss-poor level of services that exist in my neighborhood, and in the ward at large, is real-life proof that this fear and public misperception is preventing us from attracting the development we desperately need to economically thrive.

I’ll be over here brainstorming solutions, because I love this place more than my never-gonna-happen first-born child. You’re even free to help me if you like. But whether you do or not, stop calling my neighborhood scary and dangerous- or I’ll put you in a cab to Columbia Heights.



*That's right, that was a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy joke. Get some.
**This is disingenuous. I totally get it. Black people. We’re terrifying. Boo.

two conversations, twenty four hours

On poor timing:

Me: Hey, where's your going away party tomorrow?

Friend: It's tonight. Right now.

On elderly neighbors and their adult grandchildren:

Me: Is Mr. B OK? There was just an ambulance in front of his house. 

Neighbor's Son: Oh, that wasn't for Mr. B. That was for his grandson. He passed out or something.

Me: Oh, man. Well I'm glad it wasn't Mr. B again. I know an ambulance came by and took him to the hospital a few weeks ago.

NS: No, that was for his grandson, too.

Me: What happened? Does he have some kind of health problem?

NS: Mr. B stabbed him.

Me: I'm sorry, what?

NS: He got drunk and started swinging on Mr. B, and the old man stabbed him.

Me: How do you know that?

NS: Because he walked up to our house that night covered in blood, knocked on the door, and asked, "Do you have a cigarette?" I mean, I know that panicking makes you bleed to death faster, but dude took not panicking to the extreme. "Can I have a cigarette?" Yeah, man. You can have an ambulance, too.

In conclusion, A) I'm an idiot, B) our next door neighbor has hilarious kids, and C) never swing on sweet old Mr. B.

we bought a house!

We did it!

We are now the proud owners of a mid-century modern semidetached in Randle Heights. We're close to the Parkway, within walking distance of a Metro stop, convenience store, carryout and liquor store, about a mile from the grocery and a short commute to my school.

I literally could not be happier. I am actually this excited:




Now all we need is to move up our furniture from New Orleans, new front stairs, the lawn mowed, window boxes, paint, paint, and more paint, a housewarming party- you get the picture. But we can't wait. New adventure YAY!