On poor timing:
Me: Hey, where's your going away party tomorrow?
Friend: It's tonight. Right now.
On elderly neighbors and their adult grandchildren:
Me: Is Mr. B OK? There was just an ambulance in front of his house.
Neighbor's Son: Oh, that wasn't for Mr. B. That was for his grandson. He passed out or something.
Me: Oh, man. Well I'm glad it wasn't Mr. B again. I know an ambulance came by and took him to the hospital a few weeks ago.
NS: No, that was for his grandson, too.
Me: What happened? Does he have some kind of health problem?
NS: Mr. B stabbed him.
Me: I'm sorry, what?
NS: He got drunk and started swinging on Mr. B, and the old man stabbed him.
Me: How do you know that?
NS: Because he walked up to our house that night covered in blood, knocked on the door, and asked, "Do you have a cigarette?" I mean, I know that panicking makes you bleed to death faster, but dude took not panicking to the extreme. "Can I have a cigarette?" Yeah, man. You can have an ambulance, too.
In conclusion, A) I'm an idiot, B) our next door neighbor has hilarious kids, and C) never swing on sweet old Mr. B.
Whoa! Sweet old Mr. B...
ReplyDeleteI think I'd stay off his lawn as well.